Septwascold's Journals

Can youh hear me say I've got nothing left to lose?

Some things aren't as simple as people make them out to be. How can
youh tell? They ask. Its pretty easy actually. A lot easier than it is
to actually solve someone's problem but acting like youh understand is
totally alriteâ�¦ so I've been told, but I still don't believe it. So far
in this dimension of inconsistent paper starsâ�¦ EVERYONE IS WAITING FOR THE WORDS TO SAY TO MAKE YOUH STAYâ�¦but
it won't work this time. Cold and tired. We will all learn from the
burning out. We will all learn from the liar's mouth. It's easy to
forget who youh are. Burn awayâ�¦ 321â�¦ 456â�¦
freezing life is so obvious rite now. I feel so temporary. Forget what
I'm not, not what I've learned. Time is gone. It's all gone wrong.
Wrong in the sense that life should be so much better than what it
actually is, but who can say they're perfection in a world so utterly
lost in turmoil that there's no way in hell youh can understand the
person you're closest to. However, hell is where we find ourselves. If we can find ourselves at all.
All is not everything when youh have nothing after all. Pick up the
pieces and make me understand why we can't move any faster. My knees
are weak. Youh won't be the last one or the first to tell me I should go straight to hell. I'm already there. Welcome. This is hell and youh are my hell-mate. Kinda like a paper weight but with a little more attitude for the masses. (If the masses decide to show in the first place. I personally wouldn't count on it.)
Over & over they march. On and on, trying to find something worth
living for. No more ghosts or memories to hold me back. A fresh start
is all I have ever asked. Sometimes it hurts the most to be who you are.
Youh can change your mind, youh can't change your heart. to find the
end youh gotta know where to start. (I swear I'd sign my name in blood.
It dripped down from my veins. I swore I'd never tell.) So all of the
corpses witnessed the beginning of the end. Just when youh felt like
leaving so suddenly. It won't be the last. All
the doctors and the pills wont cure the way youh feel about yourself.
It takes time to take control. When youh learn it you'll love me for a
life time. 100% guaranteed. You'll always love the control. Its something worth living for, something worth waiting for, yet another thing worth dying for. Hold still so I can feel the words that hurt, the hit that kills. Our time is running out.

soo.....?????

ok so its bn like 4ever since i was last on here. i finally rmbrd my password which is pretty stupid so i'm thinking of changing it lol anyway, summer was a blast i still cant believe that i did/ experienced most of the crap. if my life could be made into a movie... well lets just say it would be action packed x] w/ the finally being the sturgis rally. i had so much fun but the sad part is i'm soo not able to go into specifics. ( my fren niki said she'd hunt me down if i did) ok, well i'm tired of being evasive. maybe i'll go into it more later on , or maybe not.

???? (confused) ????

why is every1 so intent on being a part of a group?? i jus dont get it. why cant ppl jus live their own life instead of following the orders of some1 who in reality doesn't even give a damn about them?! i know i'm not making any sense right now, but i'm totally pissed off. you see today i found out that my younger brother is geting into a lot of trouble in skool. (not ur typical annoying teen thing either) i mean serious trouble. i think he might actually be 1 of the "bullies" in his skool. how he gets away with it... i dont know. the only thing i know for sure is that he used to be alright (giving that he is a jock) but now he's completely over the top with his macho " i dont give a f*ck" attitude. his friends dont make things easier either cuz they all act the same!! i jus dont get it. is it a guy thing??? or am i jus meant to never understand anything he does cuz he choose a totally different social group than me??? ...hmm...

...meteor???...maybe....no, idk....

i HATE engl.! i'm totally failing it right now & i dont thik i'll be able 2 catch up cuz i jus messed around the past 4 wks. i dont even know what the hell i'm s'posed 2 be doin this wk... oh well at least i dont have class 2day. maybe i'll luck out & a meteor will come crashing down to earth & destroy my engl. prof.'s car so i can have at least 1 more wk 2 get caught up in my hmwk... yeah, i dont think thats gonna happen anytime soon, but i can dream cant i ??

valentines day...SUCKS!!!

I HATE VALENTINES DAY!!!! whats the point of it anyway???? i dont get it. youh get sent chocolates which jus make you fatter, then ur sent flowers, but they end up dying a couple days later. so what, this person wants me 2 get fat & die??? WTF!! XD

made u look

ok, so i got bored earlier & i decided to check out 1 of my friend's pages cuz i hadnt talked 2 him in a while. & i'm glad i did. he posted a journal... umm, lets see, i think it was 2 days ago, & it was probably 1 of the best reads i've had in a while. although he wrote it 2 basicaally complain about ppl not being original, i thought it was really funny. (twisted sense of humor i know) neway... yeah, i forgot where i was going with this....

iâ�™m bored so iâ�™m gonna write a bunch of things iâ�™m scared of. enjoy

A while back I was talking to my sister & I was going off on another 1 of my little (long) stories about nothing. Next thing I know she starts talking about the day she killed my pet tarantula (RIP buddy). She started asking me why I got a spider 4 a pet in the 1^st place. I just started laughing & said it was becuz I knew she was scared of them (not really, but I want 2 get on her nerves so that's what I told her). She pushed me & said that I was lucky she didn't know what I was scared of â�¦ which is how this list was made. XD I did my best 2 write down as much as I could remember, but I think I still missed some. Not that it matters becuz this wasn't meant 2 be taken seriously. So I begin my listâ�¦

Birds (especially ducks)

Dentures

Birds with dentures

Dolls

Hairless catsâ�¦ in clothes

Forgetting my name

Ear hair

Misplacing a shoe

Rotten teeth

Going blind

Worms

Having a bird poop on me

Monkeys

Girls with armpit hair

The color yellow

The 7

Stepping in dog dookie

Big foot

And finally, the Easter bunny

- Strange things to be scared of I know, but hey it's the truth

hmm... umm... yeah. no.

Yesterday I was called naÃ¯ve. why? i dont know. your guess is as good as mine. i didnt do anything in particular, but then again. i've been having trouble sleeping. (i haven't slept in the past 2 days. it sucks) so i've been spacing out a lot and i think i might have done something stupid... yeah, my memory isnt working right. my family &friends think i'm on drugs. I'M NOT!! i burned some grilled cheese sandwiches( they looked like 2 black rocks) XD i thought it was pretty funny. my brother... not so much. i've been banned from the kitchen. well from cooking anyway. my mom is trying 2 make me get all medicated and what not so i will get some sleep... not gonna happen. pill popping is sooo... not 4 me. right, well i cant think of anything else so i guess thats it. or is it? ... yeah, i guess it is lol

Mystery bruises and lost time

Ok, i guess i'll start this off by stating the obvious... New Year's sooo rocks. lol i had so much fun. the only down side to it was i think i had too much fun considering i can only remember about half of it. (i figured this out when my friend Kellie called me and started laughing at me for something i said at our friend Tyra's house. yeah... i dont remember even going to her house. whatever it was i guess they have it on camera. i'm gonna go find out what it was and try to erase it before they put it on something i'll regret later.) as for the mystery bruises... well i guess i got them from falling. a lot. :) i'm glad they didnt get those on camera. lol oh yeah, i was also told that i ran into a door too... but i dont think i did. that's something i would've remembered(i think, i hope) well... thats pretty much all i can remember at the moment. :)

Remember... drugs and alcohol are Bad, bad, bad things u should never try (unless u r crazy. thats my excuse lol)

Relationships are over ratedâ�¦

I think Iâ�™ve messed up and BAD. I believe Iâ�™ve fallen into yet another trap of lies and forced myself to pretend that someone can change. (I was wrong.) Now I donâ�™t know how to break it off from this vampiric soul sucker who claims to love me and at a momentâ�™s notice can be found flirting with one of my friends. : ( Normally Iâ�™m not the jealous type, but this person is making me hate them. Maybe I should just go back to being â�œstraightâ�. At least then I can blame everything on the guy and say â�œyouâ�™re a guy, you wouldnâ�™t understandâ� I donâ�™t knowâ�¦ relationships are over rated. â�“ The really messed up part is I now that I still care for this person, but I really donâ�™t like her (at all) anymore- For now I guess Iâ�™ll just put the blame on alcohol. (She doesnâ�™t act like a whore when sheâ�™s sober.) Who knows, maybe Iâ�™m just being used as a pawn in another one of her little games for attention. Oh well, Iâ�™m done venting. Now all I have to do is think of a way to get the hell out of this fucking game of on again/off again so I can burn that damn bridge down and never have to look back ever again. :